Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
