I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Boobs speak an international language.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
