I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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