i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
