Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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