Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
