The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
