I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
