If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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