Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
