my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
