Porn is love you can see.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
