Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
