it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
