I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
