i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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