so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
