Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
