It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
