Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
