Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
