i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
