I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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