You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
