We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
