he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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