I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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