if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
