Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
