Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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