As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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