OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
