She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
