Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
