I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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