i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
