Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
