Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
