Your face is a jimmy john
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The power of my boobs compel you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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