Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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