Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
