Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
