I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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