I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
