a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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