how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
