Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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