i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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