the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
