I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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