I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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