I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
