i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
