I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
sarcasm needs its own font
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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