I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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