Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
