doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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