you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
