don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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