I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
