Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
