Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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