allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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