yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
