I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
