some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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