Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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