Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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