I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
