Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
