I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
