You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
