Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
