you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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