Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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