I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
