I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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