I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
