I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
