all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
