What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
