I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
