is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
