I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
